286 S.I. (Jordan, Age 15): English

S.I.

                                                                     Age 15, Jordan

        “ Moving on from war to peace have taught my family to stay strong and peaceful.”

 In the past war it does exist I might not have seen any of them, but I have heard a lot from my family history.  My parents once told me that “ War have taught us how to fight hard and never leave anything behind as we run.”  My mom used to tell me the stories that my dad never told me about . Mom said “I remember the day I ran and I ran over a long distance trying to hide among the crowed while shots passed over my head.”  She pauses and after a good moment, she goes on and says, “ I was Young, I had no hope, shots passed above my head, I thought I was going to die.” My mother’s words cause me more pain because my family has made so many sacrifices in order to stay alive and her explanation to the story was possible the worst day of her life just bring those miserable memories back into my head.  My heart became more vulnerable than it was before. I want to give up, I cannot watch what is happening around the world, not only in Sudan but also in Iraq, and Palestine and many other countries.

I try to imagine the relentless pressure the painful wars force upon the people living in those areas. In that day I cried a lot as my mother was telling me the story.  One day a person came to our house and showed us a documentary of people in Sudan during the war, I just couldn’t say anything my tear on my cheek were like water fall, my heart was broken for the little babies that get taken away from their mothers, and are thrown to the ground then they are shot in the head. I wondered for a moment how those mothers feel. Can anyone tell me how those people feel? What kind of world am I living in? The endless cries my soul. The street are crowded with bloody corpses. The news reporters say that soldiers murdered, burned, and raped womens. They are no more than a part of humans are killing other innocent people, like it is nothing. I had a bunch of questions running through my head, but one of the most one is, “ Are all my relatives from both sides of my parents are alive or are they dead?

          As life goes on,memories and stories were added to my family history . My parents survive the war as they told me, and they moved from Sudan to Jordan. In 1992 my dad went to Jordan to provide a safety place for my mom and my sisters. And then in 1994 my mother followed my dad to Jordan. For my three sisters it must be difficult to forget what they have seen in their lives. Years will come and they will forget about it. They continue living as they always says life is too short so live it before you lose it. They lived in small district full of nice people. My mother gave a birth to  four kids in that district, and I was so lucky to be one of those Four. We become a completely family of seven kids included my parents will be nine. Living in small district was pretty good, and it got worst. There was not enough job opportunities that occasion my father, so we had to move to Amman  metropolis. We found tenement and we lived there for eight years, I went to school and life was normal. The truth is that I was not good in school, I used to fail and get 55 or below. My dad once said “If you don’t get it in the first trial, see it a thousand times but never say I can’t. If you don’t taste failure you will never feel the joy of success.” I decided then, I could not let their sacrifice be drowned in a storm of grief. They gave me inspiration, the memories of him keeps me warm like a blanket in freezing winter. My ambition is to gain knowledge and educate myself. I’m determined toward my ability of learning, falling, getting wounded but not giving up, because in my head I’m  fighting to give the best to my mother. I know that education will fulfilling this dream. I wish I could get enough education in life and be successful girl like my other older sisters. My three older sisters are all educated who graduate from college with Professional Degree in Jordan, there experience of hard work have solidified me to make my life better as well as others.

                                              “ Education is success”

Success is my own actions

Dream and goals all are my passions.

Building energy to be strong

I will carry it with me for long.

This opportunity is my wishes

key for college and future accomplishes.

Academically addicted  that’s my desire

want to become professional or higher.

     “  Grown up in a violent neighborhood, could give a life lesson.”

           My family never knew that Amman, Jordan would be a dangerous metropolis to live in. Violence has taken over the metropolis, gangsters stand under my tenement for hours. And they wait for someone to distract, but they never did anything bad to my family because we were nice to them. My grandma words "Began nice to bad people will give them an advantage of how nice you are." I felt scared hearing gun shots passed by the tenement windows. My mother told my siblings and I to hide under the tables, so we won't get hurt. Gangsters were shooting all night long. Our neighbors they called the cops and they came. After two hours later, the cops were reporting and I was looking through the windows , I can't describe how scared I was, my heart beats fast my legs were checking out. I thought something bad will happen to me. My mom tells me " Pray because praying will help you feel better." It's true though.

                                          “ Sickness.”

 My mother faints, so we took her to the hospital. We thought the fainting is because she is shocked from seeing all the violence in her country, but the doctor says, “She’s sick. She has degenerated DISC, which cause pain in her back and her legs and she needs to have surgery as soon as possible.” I watch the clock patiently, time passes by so slow. I couldn’t  hold my tears inside my eyes. So, I start crying. My mom she turns looking at me and saying “ Don’t cry, Tears won’t last forever, don’t ever give up just stay strong and pray for me to get better.”I raised my hand above to Allah and asked Him to make my mom feel well. My older sisters were praying as well, the nurse came in and we were all quite. “ She said you mother will stay in the hospital for a while, she need a surgery and you guys have to get the money, before its too late.” The last words made me feel like going out and work every single second to get money for my mother. I just couldn’t help her I felt so bad about myself, but my dad had some money  it wasn’t enough for her surgery. So, he had to ask for help from my uncle and aunts in Sudan. They sent money to my dad, and my mom did the surgery. I was reading the Quran [Muslim’s Bible] for her, so she could heal fast.  My eyes are filled with tears. My head wants to explode. I want to take her pain on top of mine because I cannot watch her suffer so much. It breaks my heart to see her cry.  Finally, it was time for her to go to the operating room, which cause everyone to be scared to death. While I wait impatiently, I think about how much I love my mother and how important she is to me. As a result of my mother’s sickness, my sister named Sally, age 18, vowed to become a doctor. Helping is good but losing is bad.  

      My family’s experiences in Sudan and Iraq and my own experiences growing up in a violent neighborhood in Amman, Jordan have taught me to stay strong, care about others, be and conscientious about my work. I realize my family has overcome many obstacles to come to America. Now it is my responsibility to make them proud and achieve my dream. Moving to the U.S was a good decision it will make my dreams come true and achieve my goals. Be a photographer or fashion designer can help me to become important person one day with a lot of opportunities.

Now that I came to U.S I will look forward for a better future. Experience new things, learn new language, live in a house with two floors, have new friends, new neighbors, live life like living in a paradise. My life Stories continues to be added to my family history book.

                                “Loving family”

I am from a loving family and accepting

how God created us together. From

beautiful pictures and wonderful books

and teddy bears.

I am from a small neighborhood where

you never see dogs, or kids play

outside all day.

I am from the memories of a

wonderful family. From a house that

will stay forever in my heart.

I am from the culture that will stand,

the history that will stay and the stories that

keep us together.

I am from " Things happen for a reason,

" from singing my favorite song, playing

loud music, and feeling free.

From amazing experience and opportunities, memories.

And from good moments and a lot of pictures taking.